The Pain of Happiness

Weird title, right? How can Happiness be a pain…

I am writing something after a long long time, there was a time back in college days to years immediately after that when there was so much to write, there was so much to talk, there was so much to feel.

Then we got busy with our jobs and then marriage and a Settled life…

Marrying your best friend and your life has its perk that somehow you attain Nirvana – A different sort of Nirvana perhaps.

One where life is too comfortable, you are never alone, and you have a basic lack of any pain in your life…

Now even Nirvana has a problem, the lack of pain gives you a writer’s block…

Not just that. When collectively everyone around you and all your close friends attain this stage, you reach a point when you start missing your friends. Not that they have gone anywhere but the things you used to talk changes, the emotions and feelings you used to share changes and things like jobs, etc. take center stage.

This is what I call the pain of happiness!!

Induced pain is what’s making me write this, this is not real.

There was pain that we always carried around, There were songs that we enjoyed because of that pain which had to go when we had someone in our life as a partner who is so understanding that you don’t even need words to tell them how you feel, someone you don’t feel the need to hide anything from and someone who not only knows and is cool when you are checking out someone else but at times even poke you to checkout someone!

The reality was those heart to hearts, talking about our crushes and one-sided loves. The feeling of liking someone and helping friends to write just the right words to send to there crushes.

No matter what but talking and sharing feelings is what defined the strength of friendship.

We are all settled now, Happy now… We still meet and talk about jobs, we talk about money, politics and so many things even maids…

But those intense talks, those deep emotions have lost, our pain is different now it’s mostly professional and no longer emotional…

There’s nothing wrong with it, after all, we have grown up, we have matured we have settled...

But I have a Void now…  

इस सुकून की ज़िन्दगी में दर्द ढूंढ़ता हूँ में...  

जिसे  शब्दों में पिरोह सकूँ वो आंसू  ढूंढ़ता हूँ में,

दो पल दिल की बात कर सकूँ वो एहसास ढूंढ़ता हूँ में, 

फिर जिससे जज़्बात बाँट सकूँ वो दोस्त ढूंढ़ता हूँ में, 

 इस सुकून की ज़िन्दगी में दर्द ढूंढ़ता हूँ में...